Sometimes I can’t see. I don’t know where I’m standing…or why I’m standing.
And sometimes, I can’t stand.
The storm is relentless. I am soaked to the bone. Hope is long lost. And I’m begging for the end.
Is there any way I can just not do this anymore?
Take this dream from me. This promise. I’m done.
I’m not done.
I’m not done.
We become undone as things unravel, and we feel as though we would just as soon unravel with them as stand.
But He calls to us in the unraveling:
I am not done.
He begs us to take a look at what remains, to examine and deal with the fallout, the mess and mass-casualties of our hearts. He invites us to come close. To touch the exposed places. To know that this debris…this ache…this ruin…is found in Him.
We know that He holds all things together, that all things were created for Him and by Him and through Him. He is our Sustainer. Our Life-Giver. We know because those around us tell us; we know because we have often said such things to others; we know this because we know His Word.
But we fail to know. The knowledge we have of who He is never makes it to our heart unless He takes it there Himself.
And in the revelation of who He is, we wrestle with tough questions:
Is He enough?
Would I choose less of Him if it meant less pain?
Do I believe Him at His word?
We must answer. We can wrestle as long as we like, but an answer is demanded of us.
Afraid that I’m going to miss Him.
Afraid that my pride and expectations with blind and bind me—that this promise will forever cloud my life and He will no longer be the One my heart adores.
Afraid that 40 will find me with empty arms, a still empty womb and a battered, worn heart.
I’m afraid He’s going to forget.
And that’s the crux of it: I don’t trust Him to be who He says He will be, who He says He always is.
I don’t believe Him.
Help my unbelief.
And He covers me with His Word: I am not done.
How He has met me:
I read this over a year ago; He continues to use it to give light in the dark.
This song gives voice to the words I find buried in the ruin.
Psalm 27:6 Psalm 126:23 Isaiah 45:3
Psalm 4:8 Psalm 144:9 Isaiah 43:19
Psalm 62:8 Psalm 146:5 1 Samuel 1:1-20